Friday, January 21, 2011

Comebacks to stereotypical and racist comments (Part 2 - South Asian version)

Ever had someone make a racially insensitive remark to you, but you couldn't think of a comeback to put them in their place?

I did a post on this a while back, dedicated to responding to some of the comments that East Asian people might hear. (It's here.) This one is for my South Asian brothers and sisters.

"You people smell like curry."
Comeback: "That's because we eat curry. You smell like shit. What's your excuse?"

"What's with the red dot on your forehead?"
Comeback: "That's my third eye. It enables me to detect douchebags. Funnily enough, it's buzzing right now."

(In mocking Apu-esque Indian accent): "Thank you, come again."
Comeback: "Funny, your mama said the same thing to me last night."
I'm aware that these comebacks aren't particularly intellectually sophisticated. But neither is the kind of person who is going to racially abuse you, so they're a good fit. But make sure you have your running shoes on, just in case.


  1. To be fair, the second one about the dot doesn't seem offensive. Not many people know the cultural significance of the red dot, so they may ask about its purpose. Of course, they may also inquire in a rude way, but not always. Some just have inquiring minds.

  2. In the UK, South Asians are 'Asians', but in the USA there is some confusion - what is the comeback to "you're not really Asian"?

    1. (guy) your not really straight (girl) well your face isn't real but i still put up with it

  3. @ Anon:
    I dunno. Maybe something like "well, you're not really a man/woman, but I still accept you as one."

  4. I remember the one about Indian cooking.
    Racist Remark:
    "Ooh, that foreign curry and garlic smell goes everywhere, it's offensive."
    The Answer:
    "Ooh, that boiled cabbage smell in your kitchen
    really reminds me of fart."

    I felt terrible saying it, but it really worked.

    Another one I used to encounter was:
    "Are you a Paki or a Nig---?"
    "Are you a Neanderthal or just in-bred?"

  5. I get the "You speak English really well!" comment a lot. I was born in Wisconsin, so I don't know what accent they are expecting. I reply with the exact same big-eyed smile, "So do you!"

    I love your blog. It makes me happy.

  6. What's a good comeback when someone says go back to India?

    1. Depends where they are from. If you are in the US and a white American says it to you, then "Go back to Europe" is an easy answer.

      Or regardless of the location, if you have the balls for it, you can always say "Go back to your mother's c***."
      I personally wouldn't say that, but it'd be funny if you did.

    2. Also what if they say that to speak English or they say at least I can speak English

    3. Then say the most horrible thing you can think of in Hindi (or whatever language you speak). Actually, just keep abusing them in that language. They won't understand, but you'll find it fun and hilarious.

    4. This website is so cool. But I can't find any insults to say as a white person, to a racist white person. Any help?

    5. Sylvie, I guess it depends on what they say.

      You can always respond to a racist comment with, "Wow, saying that must make you feel really good about yourself."

    6. go back to your ass, cause that's where your breath belongs.

    7. go back to your ass, cause that's where your breath belongs.

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. A good one is:
    I would insult your mother, but cows are sacred in my country.

  9. the number of times people have asked me "So, do have an elephant as a pet?" or something similar is ridiculous. I usually just roll my eyes and walk out of the room because I have no idea what to say- mostly because it makes no sense.