This first instalment of Idiot Watch carries the alternative title: "How NOT to apportion blame 101."
#5: Australian Christian Lobby spokesman Jim Wallace received a chorus of disapproval with his insightful way of analysing health statistics to fit his anti-gay marriage agenda. "I think we're going to owe smokers a big apology when the homosexual community's own statistics for its health - which it presents when it wants more money for health - are that is has higher rates of drug-taking, of suicide, it has the life of a male reduced by up to 20 years," he told the audience.
"The life of smokers is reduced by something like seven to 10 years and yet we tell all our kids at school they shouldn't smoke."
Call me crazy, but I think one of the best ways to reduce the rate of homosexuals taking drugs and committing suicide is to stop constantly telling them they are sinful perverts who are defying God and destroying civilisation as we know it. But that's just my opinion.
#4: In Arizona, Superior Court Judge Jacqueline Hatch was quick to spot the greatest moral wrong committed in the case where police officer Robb Evans drank 8 beers, drove to a concert, flashed his badge to get in for free and then walked up behind a woman and put his hand up her skirt.
“If you wouldn’t have been there that night, none of this would have happened to you,” Hatch told the victim. “When you blame others, you give up your power to change,” Hatch said that her mother used to say.
Hatch is a Republican. I don't mention that for any particular reason.
#3: Gina Rinehart (pictured), Australian mining magnate and the world's richest woman, deigned to offer some sage advice for us Poors. "If you're jealous of those with more money, don't just sit there and complain. Do something to make more money yourself -- spend less time drinking or smoking and socialising, and more time working." And presumably more time inheriting $30 million from Dad, as Gina herself did. She also said that governments could make Australians wealthier by lowering taxes on the rich, and lowering minimum wage, comparing us lazy spoilt Australians with African workers who were willing to work for $2 a day. Meanwhile, dear Gina makes around $600 per second, which is still not enough thanks to all those damned socialists in government. She has also been involved in bitter legal disputes with all of her children and her stepmother to gain control of the money, which may go some way to explaining the "spend less time socialising" comment. It's easy to avoid socialising when everyone thoroughly dislikes you. For example, I would like the 1% a lot more if they stopped trying to cut my wages while telling me how lazy I am.
#2: Clint Eastwood in his now-infamous speech at the Republican National Convention, in which he lectured an empty chair (apparently inhabited by an invisible Barack Obama) about why the man who became President in 2008 was apparently wrong to take America to war in Afghanistan in 2001.
#1: Indonesian Religious Affairs Minister Suryadharma Ali, who said that the best way to stop Shiite Muslims in Indonesia from suffering violent persecution from the Sunni majority is... for them to convert to Sunni Islam.
(In other news, black people who are worried about racial discrimination can triumph over it simply by becoming white.)
Of course, those with a particularly cynical view of human nature or Islam might suggest he's right. But you know, if you are the Religious Affairs Minister, you might first try suggesting that Sunnis just stop f*cking attacking the Shiites to begin with.