Friday, May 6, 2011

This week in Ninja news...

Don't look now, but the ninjas are taking over. Remember you heard it here first. Not to fear, because as we all know, ninjas are awesome. Although I'm not sure that they are quite as awesome as they once were, if the below evidence is any indication.

There just seems to be an inordinate amount of ninja-related stories in the news recently.

Fortunately some of the ninjas are out for the cause of righteousness:
Ninja protects the not-so-mean streets of Tunbridge Wells
For a crime-fighting Ninja has begun patrolling the streets of Royal Tunbridge Wells scaring off yobs, helping pensioners and rescuing cats from trees. The 25-year-old, who calls himself the ‘Neighbourhood Ninja of Tunbridge Wells’, claims to be a ‘grandmaster’ of the Japanese martial art based on ‘stealth and infiltration’.
His mission is simple – to clean up the streets. Speaking on condition of anonymity he said: ‘It’s my aim to help people, I am inspired by Neighbourhood Watch, which people seem to have forgotten about, so I’ve created Ninja Watch. There is still lots of trouble in Tunbridge Wells and the community does not seem to be as together as it used to be.
‘The message I want to get across is serious, which is about people keeping watch, sticking together and reporting incidents.’
Ch Insp Simon Wilshaw, of Kent Police, said he had not ‘made himself known’ to officers.‘Although we support public spiritedness we do not condone anyone taking the law into their own hands.’
Resident Sally Everson, 43, said: ‘It was very odd, this man dressed all in black was helping these old ladies across the street and they were quite happy to have someone help them.’

All power to the guy, but I'm not sure I'll be truly impressed with his ninja powers until he starts cleaning up the streets of a town slightly more menacing than Tunbridge Wells. To be sure, helping little old ladies across the road is a worthwhile pastime, but I'm not quite sure that it was what the founders of the ancient mystical ninja arts had in mind.

In fact, if you want another example of how ninjas just ain't what they used to be, here's a guy who appears to be invoking the ninja ways in the cause of some mindless destruction and petty crime.

Masked 'ninja' carrying samurai sword terrorizes Pa. town; breaks into 11 cars, attempts to stab man
A man dressed as a ninja and carrying a samurai sword broke into 11 cars in southwest Pennsylvania and tried to stab a man who confronted him, cops said. Cops said the masked-marauder terrorized an area of South Union Township between midnight and 1 a.m. on Sunday, smashing the windows of cars and creeping through yards.
Resident Santino Guzzo told Pittsburgh's WTAE television he was in his car investigating after neighbors repeatedly heard glass breaking and car alarms when he spotted the black-clad goon hiding out in a yard. When he confronted the ninja, Guzzo said the thug thrust his samurai sword through his open window of his Jaguar and sliced open his hand. The masked man then shattered the rear window of Guzzo's car before taking off, Guzzo said. Cops on the scene found blood on the shattered glass, a blunt tool the assailant used to break the windows and a bottle of booze, WTAE said.
In fact, these days it seems that all you need to do to be considered a ninja, is to wear a pair of trainers:

No they WEREN'T Ninja Nuns!
The secret identities of two nuns who took pride of place next to Prince William and his new wife at the Royal Wedding have been unveiled. They were seen by two billion people around the world, looking on demurely as William and Kate listened to prayers during the service.
But despite their unassuming appearance, rumours began to surface that one of the women was a secret 'ninja nun' intended to protect the Royal couple, after she was pictured wearing black trainers.
Speculation was rife that the taller nun, wearing Reebok Classics with her traditional habit, was on hand to pounce on any intruders.
One internet user wrote: 'I guess they were undercover agents, MI5.'
But today she has been revealed to be Sister Annaliese Brogden - a 52-year-old nun from the Community of the Sisters of the Church. Her identity was disclosed by her bemused father Geoffrey Brogden who said she always wore trainers - no matter what the occasion.
It even seems that the President of the United States is down with the ninja arts too. Forget being the First Black President, being the First Ninja President is the real milestone.
Bill Maher: I’d Bet My Own Money On ‘Multi-Tasking Ninja’ Obama Getting Re-Elected
Bill Maher was in high spirits last night appearing with Joy Behar to celebrate President Obama’s national security success with Obama and laughing, “this has got to eat at [Republicans] because this is supposed to be what they’re good at.” Maher was so impressed with our President, the “multi-tasking ninja,” that he concluded if Republicans can’t give Obama credit now, then they probably wouldn’t ever be able to do it for anything.
More ninjas cleaning up the streets here.

See also: Lame self-defence.

UPDATE:
The ninjas just keep on coming.

1 comment:

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