Wednesday, March 16, 2011

UCLA library is overrun by hordes of Asians

Ok, here is the tip of the week, from Eurasian in life-coach mode:

You know those thoughts that pass through your mind once in a while that are kinda racist, or to put them another way, "not the most politically correct"? Here's what you do - think them to yourself, or even write them down on paper and then throw away the paper. At least then you are getting that stuff off your chest and you can move on. Because if you actually express those thoughts out in public, you might end up having lots of people hating you and getting an urge to hold you down and take a steaming dump on your face.

Whatever you do, DON'T film the rant and upload it to Youtube.

Oh, you did already? What, you thought no one would watch it? Didn't think it would go viral to the point where within days there would be dozens of other vlogs of people whining about what a bitch you are or making fun of you? What world do you live in?

Come on down, Alexandra Wallace!

Nice timing too, just hours after the massive earthquake and tsunami hit Japan.

Honestly, this video is full of PURE GOLD. Here are my favourite bits:
* The obligatory disclaimer; every good racially offensive rant needs one. Most people go with "I'm not racist, but..."
Alexandra instead starts with: "So we know that I'm not the most politically correct person so don't take this offensively. I don't mean it toward any of my friends, I mean it toward random people that I don't even know in the library. So you guys are not the problem."
I'm sure Alexandra's Asian (soon to be ex-) friends will feel really honoured that they are special and not like those other hordes of Asians.
* "The problem is these hordes of Asian people that UCLA accepts into our school every single year, which is fine. But if you're going to come to UCLA use American manners."
Got that? OUR school.
This is perhaps the biggest horde of Asians a white person has seen since the Mongol empire invaded Eastern Europe. Looting and pillaging and doing Economics homework.
* "So, it used to really bug me, but it doesn't really bother me anymore..."
 (...which is why I'm gonna start ranting about it, because I like ranting about things don't bother me.)
* "...the fact that all the Asian people that live in all the apartments around me — their moms and their brothers and their sisters and their grandmas and their grandpas and their cousins and everybody that they know that they’ve brought along from Asia with them – comes here on the weekends to do their laundry, buy their groceries and cook their food for the week. It’s seriously, without fail. You will always see old Asian people running around this apartment complex every weekend."
 Jeepers, watch out, the horde is coming, and they're cooking and cleaning!

Seriously, think about it... students whose family members play an active role in their lives? Has the world gone completely mad?!?
* "I’ll be in like deep into my studying, into my political science theories and arguments and all that stuff, getting it all down, like typing away furiously, blah blah, blah, and then all of a sudden when I’m about to like reach an epiphany…"
 Am I the only person who thinks that sentence is code for something sexual? Ladies, don't you hate it when you are trying to fap in the library and you can't concentrate because of all the Asians?
* "Over here from somewhere, “Ooooh Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong, Ooohhhhh.”

 Any Cantonese speakers who can translate this for me, feel free. Her accent sounds like it needs work.
* "So being the polite, nice American girl that my momma raised me to be..."
Momma must be so proud.
* "And then it’s the same thing five minutes later. But it’s somebody else, you know — I swear they’re going through their whole families, just checking on everybody from the tsunami thing."
 Tsunami... oh, so they are Japanese? But I didn't realise the Japanese language sounded like “Ooooh Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong, Ooohhhhh.” That sounds a bit more like Chinese... oh, I get it now. Japanese, Chinese, Korean... all the same, aren't they?

There's plenty of responses to this on Youtube, but I can tell without even watching them that they'll mostly be a waste of your time. This one, however, is how to respond in style.

I just think that guy is awesome, even with whatever that thing he's growing under his chin is. Dude, I salute you.


  1. Oh. the response is awesome. glad he mentioned the boobs...btw, how did she get into UCLA doing political science? i think she just set UCLA's marketing budget back by a few years...

  2. Not a will enjoy this response as well. Doesn't she look like Natalie Tran?

    There is a rumour that Alexandra Wallace is related to George Wallace...there is also a rumour that she is mad as hell that two white guys she is interested in are dating Asian women!

  3. why is responding to racism with sexism awesome?
    the only thing that guy does is slut-shaming.

  4. @ Laura:

    It's ironic. At least I think it is.

    I like what he did with the "Ching Chong" bit anyway.

  5. I understand that it's supposed to be ironic.
    But he could have achieved irony without talking about big breasts and how distracting some girls' clothing choices are.

  6. ^ But you don't see the bit about big breasts and skimpy clothes as ironic? I do.

  7. I don't know if he sees it as ironic. He might, but that still wouldn't make it funny to me, because I don't think that slut-shaming is a laughing matter.
    I am sure that a lot of people who watch it will not see any irony in it, but simply agree with it.

  8. cosign what laura says (thanks laura for putting it out there)

    disappointed that this was the response you chose to post, ES. i don't particularly see that the slut-shaming was 'ironic', any more than her racism was ironic.

  9. ... however, him answering his phone to his dad was pure gold

  10. @ Peta and Laura:

    Can't say I'm a big supporter of slut-shaming either, but I suspect your ire may be a bit off-target here.

    You may of course be right, but here's my take, and why I interpret it as ironic.

    The Asian guy seems to be deliberately playing the role of dumb guy. Stating that he can't concentrate on his study because he's too busy looking at girls' boobs, and putting all the blame on them, is pretty dumb, no? In other words, he is aping the dumbness of Alexandra Wallace. Blaming a girl's assets for your own inability to study is about as dumb as blaming it on hordes of Asians talking in their Ching Chong language.

    Either this guy (a) actually is dumb, or (b) he is being clever and ironic. Since this guy seems kinda smart and self-aware, I'm going with (b).

    Laura's probably right though that a lot of people who look at it won't understand irony.

  11. 'It's probably not a good idea to have your tits hanging out'

    It's not 'clever' or 'ironic' to slut-shame. It's tired and suggests you can't think of anything funnier to say.

  12. "It's not 'clever' or 'ironic' to slut-shame. It's tired and suggests you can't think of anything funnier to say."

    Depends if you think this guy is parodying a stupid person or not. To parody someone with dumb attitudes is a common comic device. My initial reaction was that he's creating a "dumb-guy" persona, and thus the "slut-shaming" is part of the stupidity that he is mocking. In which case I have no problem with it. But I may have completely misinterpreted it, so I dunno.

  13. Excuse me but when you say dumb racist ish and then post it on a PUBLIC forum you can't whine about how your ass is handed back to you. See that's how it works you say dumb crap in public and someone else comes back on you in a way YOU don't like I believe it's called Karma. That's with a big old fat K.

  14. this is a pretty amazing response from an american poet, at sociological images

  15. @ peta: nice one, that vid is pretty on-point.

  16. @peta - nice. thanks for the link to socio images. Btw, the point you made about slut-shaming made me think quite a bit. I do think you're right - that whatever the circumstance, that's not on. I guess what annoyed me was her use of sexuality to...I suppose, *manipulate* the viewer (mainly the male ones), since manipulation hurts regardless of which gender practices it. I wonder if that make sense? (I'm female btw.)

    Btw guys, here's another response by Jimmy Wong (who I only just discovered!), but I can't decide whether it's funny or offensive...perhaps both?

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