A bit about Asian men and white women

Ok, so there's a post up at the moment on a blog (Ask Bossy) attached to one of Australia's major newspapers, and it's entitled, "Why don't Anglo women like Asian men?"

You can read it here; some of the comments are particularly interesting, especially if you find ignorance interesting.

While there are certainly white women out there who favour Asian men, and many who will consider anyone regardless of race, the overall trend is that AM/WW couples are rare, far rarer than WM/AW.

Most people date within their race; that's obvious and understandable. You go with what you know. And particularly if you are white in a white-majority country, because there are simply far more white people to choose from. But even in areas where there are plenty of Asian guys available, white women seem not go for them to any great degree.

As you might understand, there is some definite resentment from Asian males about this phenomenon. I confess that I have noticed this sentiment in myself, despite being a product of the very kind of relationship (WM/AW) that spurs this ill feeling. The resentment stems from several factors. One is the sense of unfairness that white guys are cherry-picking women from the Asian dating pool, but the same interest is not being shown to the Asian man, with the implication that Asian men are somewhere near the bottom of the hierarchy of desirableness. Secondly, it is the traditional and sexist consternation about outsiders taking "our women". Thirdly, it is the feeling that this is another manifestation of the racism suffered by Asian men, related to the unflattering perceptions of them propagated by popular culture. This goes along with the suspicion that Asian women are brainwashed into falling for a Western standard of attractiveness. As well, I think many Asian men subconsciously associate this with a kind of Western imperialism; a sort of "dating colonialism" if you will, a modern extension of the European powers invading Asian countries and appropriating their riches.

Pictured above: Rupert Murdoch and Wendi Deng

Below: Lolo Soetoro and Ann Dunham. Dunham's son Barack Obama is on the right of the picture.

So why are there comparatively so few AM/WW couples?

Let me say first up that this isn't a totally one-way street. Asian guys are not really breaking down doors en masse to date white women. Asian men tend to prefer Asian women, as you would expect. And given the high importance placed on family approval, many Asian men feel pressured to date, and certainly marry, only within their ethnicity. However, there is certainly a degree of interest there. Especially when you factor in that the greatest number of available women in a Western country are white, and how popular culture prioritises white women's beauty above all others. I think it is fair to say that there is somewhat more interest from Asian men towards white women than there is vice versa.

A point is frequently made that Asian men are generally less likely to approach white women. I believe this to be true. And while you could ascribe this to a lack of interest in white women and/or a lack of confidence among Asian men, I think both of those factors are entwined with the negative stereotypes about Asian men. The perceptions of the Asian male as being less masculine and less well-endowed mean that even when those are untrue, an Asian man might be more reluctant to approach a non-Asian woman, because he assumes that those beliefs are being held about him.  In the game of attraction, it doesn't really matter if Asians really are less manly; if a significant segment of women think they are, then that is a significant enough obstacle.

And like it or not, that is a very real perception. So many of the female commenters on Ask Bossy echo the same lines - "nothing against them, I just don't find Asian males attractive - they seem less masculine to me."

What is that based on?

We all have particular ideas about what defines masculine and feminine. Some of these are biologically programmed, but some are also culturally specific and thus a result of our socialisation. An example would be how African cultures prefer fuller-figured women than today's Western societies; paleontologists also suggest that prehistoric Europeans, based on some of their works of art, also prioritised fuller figures. So to simply categorise certain characteristics are simply either masculine or feminine is problematic, since each culture has its own variation on these themes.

We ascribe certain physical qualities as being masculine - height, a strong build, and a hairy body. Likewise, certain personality traits are considered masculine - loudness, dominance and control, toughness and so on.

One thing to consider is that a white woman might judge Asian men not simply on how he measures up to these stereotypes, but importantly, how a white woman might measure up to these stereotypes if she is partnered with an Asian man. It is quite likely that in any potential AM/WW pairing, the white woman will be as tall or taller than the Asian man, and possibly have more body hair. This may make some white women feel less feminine in comparison, and this might be a disincentive to date an Asian man.

One factor that doesn't get mentioned much is age, or more correctly, one's apparent age. It is generally accepted that all things being equal, people of Asian background tend to look younger than Caucasians of the same age. Height and the amount of facial hair also play a part in this perception. Now while a more youthful appearance is generally seen as a good thing, for males looking for a mate it can be a hindrance. The general trend is for women to seek a man of the same age or older; many women are less interested in a younger man, or at least one who seems younger. A man who looks younger might be seen to be less authoritative and powerful, which are attributes closely tied to masculine appeal.

Personality-wise, Asian men do not tend to display quite the same kind of machismo that is more prevalent in some Western cultures. Of course, Asian men are no less chauvinistic or egocentric than other types of men; but they do not always express them in the same ways. (An example is that while Asian societies are often quite violent in their own way, you are far more likely to be beaten up for no reason by drunk young men in Australia than anywhere in Asia.) The dominant stereotype of the young Asian male is someone who wears glasses and studies really hard at school; this does not fit the Western preconception of young manhood.

A few people commenting at Ask Bossy bring up that old stereotype, penis size. Now since many of those are women, I'm a little surprised; I didn't realise many women were superficial enough to disregard a guy based on how big they assume his penis might be. While I'm obviously not a woman and therefore don't know, overall I don't think it's a large part (tee hee) of what motivates women when choosing a mate. I've asked plenty of girls out in my lifetime, and not once has anyone said, "Maybe, let me inspect your penis first and I'll think about it." Which personally, I'm quite glad about.

Of course, many of the commenters who raise the small penis stereotype appear to be white men. Now it has long been my theory that white men are the primary cultivators of this stereotype, as a way to make themselves feel superior. Personally I find it odd that otherwise heterosexual men would spend so much time contemplating the Asian penis, so I figure that it is ultimately tied into some deep-seated subconscious machismo-and-racism combo.

(As to whether the stereotype is true - well, I'm not an expert in phalluses other than my own, but I'm pretty sure they come in all shapes and sizes. In every racial group, there will be some big, some small, and many average. There's probably some truth in the stereotype overall - given that Asians tend to be physically smaller in stature anyway -  but if so the average difference is unlikely to be greater than an inch, really.)


I've avoided talking about black people in this discussion so far, especially as in the Australian context, they are not all that numerous. But in the popular imagination, people of African descent occupy a particular role when it comes to ideas of masculinity and femininity. Africans are often seen as somehow more masculine, due to perceptions such as the black athlete, and of the stereotypically large African penis. With Asian men occupying the opposite end of this spectrum of stereotypes, white men occupy their usual position - the middle, as "the norm".

I've heard this referred to around the place as the "Three Bears Effect". As in the story of Goldilocks, who tasted three bowls of porridge, one too hot, one too cold, but one that was "just right". So when we factor other racial stereotypes into the equation, we have a complete picture of how these stereotypes seem set up to benefit white males. Black males are manly but dumb and uncivilised; Asians are smart but are not manly; while white males are "just right".

Whether you agree with this idea or not, it is important to recognise that in the West our entire way of thinking conditions us to see the white male as "the norm", around which everyone else is measured.

Thus under this way of thinking, an Asian male's comparative lack of body hair might be seen as a sign of femininity. Through an Asian mindset, in which an Asian body is the norm, white men might be considered too hairy.


So, is it racist for white women to find Asian men less attractive?

No. Well, not really. Sort of.

Attraction is not something you choose. We all have our own individual preferences for certain types of people, be it based on height, colour, gender, sense of humour. So you can't just decide you are going to be attracted to someone if you are not inclined to find them attractive.

I personally have been attracted to people of every racial category that I have met; however, I instinctively find myself paying the most attention to women of East Asian or South Asian background. It was not always this way; as a teenager, growing up in a more Anglo-centric environment, I had very little interest in Asian girls and found white girls much more attractive. But my perception of what is normal, and what is attractive, shifted as I moved from high school to university and into a circle of largely non-white friends.

But how does it get to be that we are attracted to certain types and not others?

It has a lot to do with how we are conditioned. Whatever culture or society you grow up in has its own social conditioning which encourages you to see certain characteristics as being more attractive than others. In a country like Australia, we are conditioned to regard thin Nordic (fair haired, light eye colour) women as the epitome of beauty. This is changing gradually of course, but that unconscious perception is deeply embedded in our consciousness.

Which is one reason why so many Asians, and non-white people in general, decry the way they are portrayed in the media, because it is the media that helps perpetuate these ideals. If we saw more leading male Asian actors on our TV screens, there would be a shift in this perception, to some degree at least. Contrast that with the number of attractive Asian women on TV; they are probably still underrepresented, but not to the same degree as Asian men.


At the end of the day, whatever the overall trend, it doesn't have to impact on individual encounters. Whatever your race, you need to assess someone for who they are, not what race they are. Asian brothers, if a white woman dismisses your approach because she has some twisted perception that you are less manly, then don't worry; you don't need her anyway. There are plenty of women out there, white and otherwise, who will appreciate you for who you are.



See also:

Jen Kwok: "Date an Asian (or at least f**k one)"

The Asian penis in popular culture

Race and Dating: "What is it with you and Indian chicks?"

Interracial dating trends in the USA