Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Bogans are funny

Laughing at bogans is a guilty pleasure of mine. It's terribly classist of me to do so, but I just can't help it. Try it; it'll make you feel better about yourself.

Read this story from the Northern Territory News, and see how many things just scream out "bogan alert!"

A WOMAN accused of performing a sexual act on a man when he crashed in Darwin's rural area is outraged at the allegation and says it is "absolutely wrong". Allyson White said the mark left by her seat belt across her chest was proof the claims of "amorous activities" with the driver were not true.

"I was not ****ing his **** -- and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest," she said. "Clearly I had my seat belt on, so it's impossible I'd be leaning over ****ing his ***** unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a ******* rubber neck.

"If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarrassing, I got caught ****ing someone's ****'. But it is not true and that's what is p***ing me off. It didn't happen like that at all -- he was just going too fast."

Police told in Thursday's Northern Territory News how they believe a driver crashed his car while involved in "amorous activities" with his female passenger. They said the 33-year-old man was distracted by the woman and veered off the road, smashing his single cab Hilux ute into a concrete drain on Pioneer Rd in Humpty Doo. But Ms White said that wasn't true.

"It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my 'girls' were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something ... but $5 is a bit cheap for a **** job."

Ms White, 34, said she had been at the Howard Springs Tavern celebrating a friend's birthday when they decided to go back to another friend's place in Humpty Doo. She said they stopped at Humpty Doo Tavern where she usually works to invite other friends, including the unnamed driver, along to the bash.

He did not know how to get to the house so she jumped in his car to give directions. He was charged with drink-driving after blowing .147, driving without due care and driving without a licence.

Seriously, the journalists must have had a field day with this one. There even get to use the phrase "blown out of proportion" in one of the captions. In any case, Ms White sounds like a fun person to have a conversation with.

So how many bogan alerts did you count? Here are a few telltale signs:

* Her name is Allyson. That's a bogan way of spelling Alison.
* Beer bottle on the table and ciggie in hand.
* She's 34 but looks at least 45, presumably from a life full of drinking beer and smoking ciggies.
* Copious swearing.
* A pub played a key role in the story.
* The driver was speeding and intoxicated.

Some of those factors are not especially bogan in isolation, but put them together and it is pure boganicity.

By the way, there is seriously something in the water in the Northern Territory that means people aren't controlling their urges.

For instance, check out this story about a couple caught bonking in a stolen 4WD at a service station. Or this story about another couple bonking in the back of a police van after being arrested. Or this story of a guy who filmed himself masturbating while speeding at 150km/h in his cannabis-laden car.

I guess sometimes you just really have to have it.

Want more bogan-ness? Try here:

Remember Trent from Punchy?

Drunken racist bogan knobhead of the week

Clare the Kings Cross bogan

Random comic genius: Uncle Sameer goes to Frankston


  1. and she comes from humptydoo...what a great bogan name for a town!

  2. Hey Chris, I found a blog about bogans: http://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/



  3. Hey Chris, I found a blog about bogans: http://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/



  4. Hahahaha! Well there's nothing else to do in NT, is there?

    I'm still not sure how to explain bogans to Americans.