Controversial I know, but yeah, let’s talk about this sh**.
There have been studies done that suggest that there is a relationship between race, penis size and intelligence. IQ, so it goes, is very much related to what is in your genes, as well as what is in your jeans.
So apparently, East Asian people are really brainy but are somewhat lacking in the trousers department. People of African origin tend to perform less well on IQ tests, yet as popular culture tells us, are seriously packin’ down there. If you are Caucasian, you probably fall somewhere in the middle on both counts.
Hmm. Now get this straight before you get angry, I’m not saying I believe this sort of thing. I’m just saying, the studies have been done. I’m not sure why someone felt they really really needed to do a study on this, but they did. My hunch is that it wasn’t someone with a gigantic trouser snake, know what I’m sayin’? Although that’s just a hunch.
But there are lots of flaws with some of the assumptions being made here. Firstly, how do you really measure intelligence? How much stock should we put in an IQ test? I mean, IQ tests are great if you’re good at shapes and numbers and all that sh*t. Some other stuff, they don’t measure. Like, just say, you’re the leading world expert on, I dunno, the European red-breasted swallow, and have an encyclopedic knowledge of everything pertaining to that creature. But you happen to be hopeless at maths. You will suck at IQ tests - does that mean you are unintelligent?
The sort of person often considered primitive or backward in traditional Western thinking – let’s say a tribesman from New Guinea, for example – is pretty damn intelligent if you ask me. He typically can build a house, make clothing and weapons, hunt all kinds of animals, find edible plants, knows which leaf is used to make poison and which leaf cures headaches. Would he do well on an IQ test? Perhaps not.
I on the other hand, consider myself to be of above average intelligence, and a couple of dodgy IQ tests seem to back that up. But I haven’t the faintest clue how to do any of those aforementioned things, which are actually more useful. However, our New Guinea tribesman probably can’t make witty pop culture references like I can, or analyse soccer tactics like I can, and probably can’t spell “iridescent” . Does that mean I’m smarter?
Many argue that IQ is genetic. I’m sure it is to a certain point, but what about environment? If your parents are morons and you are also a moron, is that because you were born of moronic stock, or that you were raised by morons? Also consider that external forces such as trauma and poor nutrition are known to lead to setbacks in brain development – which probably disadvantages people from poorer backgrounds and poorer countries.
Anyway… so how does one’s brain power correlate in any way with the dimensions of one’s todger? I mean, there are also theories that guys with big hands, or big feet, have a correspondingly big member. I have no idea of the truth of this, but if it were true, I can see how it would make sense, since its all about physical proportions.
But why would the brain and the wiener be inversely proportional to each other? Did God only have only a small amount of human tissue left with which to construct us, meaning that He had to choose between our two most important organs? It has been said many a time that men think with their genitals, perhaps there is such a mental/groinal link after all.
How does this work in evolutionary and biological terms? Remember that the key to evolutionary survival is the ability to score a mate and hence pass on one’s genes to offspring. If well-endowed men do indeed tend to have less mental acuity, is that because they don’t need it? I mean, are the magnificently hung at such an evolutionary advantage that they don’t need smarts in order to pass on their meaty genes on to the next generation? If so, what does this say about male-female relations throughout the history of human evolution? Do females choose partners based primarily on the size of their love truncheon? Did cavemen merely have to display their wares to attract a mate? Does this still apply today? And if I tried it, would I get arrested?
Is brain power an evolutionary compensation for lack of penile endowment? In order to attract a mate, do men with less-impressive toolkits have to rely on cunning and nous to make up for their deficiency in length? Did we have nerdy cavemen ancestors who were able to write out calculus on cave walls, thus bestowing upon them greater status with which to compete with the well-packaged but less canny competition?
And if there truly is a correlation between brains and dong proportions, how far do you take this theory? Is a member of MENSA likely to have the genitalia of a small rodent? Should women who seek the beefiest of sausages be looking for a partner in an institution for the intellectually disabled?
And where does race fit in with all this? I have no idea.
I will say this however: East Asians are generally more small-statured and with a more compact body shape than Europeans and Africans. People of African origin tend to be the tallest and longest-limbed. Is it then not logical that their body parts will be in similar proportion?
As for my own proportions, well that’s personal. But if this theory is true, well I have Asian blood and possibly a high IQ… so I guess that tells you all you need to know about the calibre of weapon I have in my holster. But as they say, its what you do with it that counts, right? So maybe an Asian's wedding tackle may not be so dazzling size-wise, but they'll have the smarts to do some crazy intricate kung-fu sh** with it which will blow your frickin' mind. Maybe.
If you liked this, you may like:
The Asian penis in popular culture
The geography of knob size
Comebacks to stereotypical and racist comments
Are white people more racist than everyone else?
Baby names and criminality
A bit about Asian men and white women
Eliot Chang on racist questions