Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Melbourne a measly 18th most liveable city

Human resource consultancy firm Mercer has released its latest rankings of which cities in the world have the best quality of life. And Melbourne, my beloved Melbourne, staggers in at a lowly 18th in the world. Normally I wouldn't be all that bothered about it - 18th in the world at anything is not so bad when you think about it - except for the fact that we were beaten by Sydney (10th) and 2 New Zealand cities - Auckland (equal 4th) and Wellington (12th).

F*** off. I mean, I've never been to New Zealand, but how good could it be? If the place is so bloody unbelievably outstanding, how come half the country has migrated to Australia?

And Sydney? Come on. I mean, Sydney is flashy and superficially impressive, but that's just it. It's like a hot chick with little depth of personality; you'd go there, but why would you want to have a lifelong relationship with the place?

Whereas Melbourne has it all:

Great public transport - trains now only 8 minutes late during peak hour!
Excitement - roam around the city centre on Saturday night and see how many fights you can get into. (But don't forget to bring your gang of drunken yobs!)
Infrastructure - our new super-efficient integrated road network will get you wherever you want to go in no time. Or at least it will in 2026, when they finally finish roadworks on the Monash freeway.

In case you're wondering which cities made top of the list, Vienna is number 1 with a bullet, Zurich drops down to number 2, Geneva is at three and Vancouver is equal 4th. Surprisingly Mogadishu, Pyongyang and Harare appear to have just missed the cut this time around.

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