Sunday, May 17, 2009

The end of errant male urination: the Angel Lap Pillow

Our cleanliness-focused and industrious friends the Japanese have come up with a product that is designed to remove the pervasive societal problem of misdirected urination. It's called the Angel Lap Pillow, and basically its a small padded bench, or pair of benches, for men to kneel upon while peeing. Scientists (and yes, apparently there are scientists that study urination splashes) have determined that urination from a standing height creates lots of incidental splash droplets, so the logic goes that by positioning the male member at a height closer to the rim of the toilet the pillow minimises splash droplets.

Sure, it's extremely emasculating for men. But hey, I think its a great idea. I am constantly amazed by the phenomenal capacity for blokes to put puddles of urine anywhere other than the bowl. You'd think that if you had to do one task several times a day, every day, for your whole life, you'd be pretty good at it. Nuh-uh! One would be forgiven for thinking that men are subconsciously marking their territory by spraying it everywhere.

So anything that tackles this epidemic that afflicts our world, and makes public toilets everywhere stink, is a winner in my book.

Not that I'm gonna be rushing out to buy one. I'm quite proud of my ability to keep it within the bowl. Sure, my aim has strayed a number of times in my life - usually in the morning or when I've been engaging in saucy activities - but fortunately toilets come with toilet paper so it can be swiftly mopped up and no one will ever know.

My other concern is that using the Angel Lap Pillow seems to put one's thighs and pants in too close proximity to the bowl's rim, a porcelain surface that is frequently flecked with urine and probably rife with bacteria. Can't speak for anyone else, but my Love Gun is not so ginormous (damn Asian genes) that I'd be able to do the kneeling pee without my pants touching the rim.

The Angel Lap Pillow sells for the equivalent of around $USD60, which is a fair whack when you consider that aiming better costs nothing. In fact, many Japanese men have taken this idea to its logical conclusion - not wanting any of those unsavoury droplets, around half of adult men are now peeing sitting down. That's quite astonishing, and its a recent trend. For more on the fascinating world of Japanese toilet behaviour, check here.

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