I've just found another reason to hate my life. Speed-dating agency Fast Impressions has conducted a survey of 400 of its members, to determine which professions were the "sexiest" and "most dateable". You can read more about it here. Social workers, it turns out, are ranked somewhere near the bottom. That's right, not the top or the middle, but the bottom. F@#*.
Here I was, thinking that my profession's stereotypical qualities of compassion, striving for justice and sticking up for the powerless, were actually desirable things. But no! How wrong I have been. No wonder I never have sex. Apparently we are a bunch of namby-pamby bleeding-heart socialist wankers with no balls. Ok, maybe I'm reading too much into this, but without any explanation I'll have to draw my own conclusions.
Now perhaps I shouldn't get too shirty, since technically I'm not a social worker, but they didn't include "community development worker" as one of their listed professions, but "social worker" is clearly the closest parallel amongst those on the list. (No one knows what a community development worker is anyway, which perhaps makes my profession more mysterious and hence more attractive... but perhaps not. Anyway, I digress)
In the professions listed by females in the survey as being the sexiest, at the top are those you might guess: doctors, architects, models, firemen (it's the uniform and the long hose, apparently). Social workers are considerably lower - only 28% of women think its a sexy profession, and 61% would possibly date us. This puts social workers slightly higher than politicians, rat catchers, the terminally unemployed, parking ticket inspectors and human guinea pigs. (Ok, the last 4 professions weren't on the list, but you get the drift). Models rated highly on the sexy score (67%), yet only 56% on the dateability score.
(click on table for enlarged view)
It makes me feel better to know that social workers were not totally on the bottom - however, if you look at those professions we are rated as more dateable than, they have some pretty obvious negative points. For example, women considered social workers more dateable than plumbers (known for poking around in toilets and exposing their hairy butt-cracks), bartenders (substance addicted and may spike your drink when you're not looking), politicians (known for not being human), air hosts (quite possibly gay), dancers (gay), artists (sensitive but broke and possibly gay) and male models (quite possibly vacuous, gay and prone to doing drugs and having orgies). But that's about it.
And looking at the professions rated as more desirable than mine, it just gets more depressing. Lawyers (sure, they make lots of money and look glamorous on Boston Legal, but they also lie, cheat and snort coke), property agents (did I mention lying and cheating?), builders (can't utter a sentence without using the word f@#*) and musicians (substance-addicted, vague and unreliable - trust me, I used to be one). And accountants. ACCOUNTANTS! Apparently they are as sexy (or unsexy) as social workers, yet are considered more dateable. Sh#t, just cut off my testicles now, I clearly won't be needing them.
It may be purely a coincidence, but the top four most dateable professions listed (doctor, architect, lawyer, property agent) are also pretty much the highest earning. Hmmm... Of the males in "caring" professions listed (doctor, social worker, teacher and nurse), only doctors rate highly in the dateability stakes. Is it coincidental that they earn much more than the other three? Hmmm. If sex appeal correlates with bank balance, then the size of my annual wage means that I may as well make my vow of celibacy now so as to save on frustration later. I actually do have enough faith in womankind that I don't believe that money is as important as it seems... although in any case, we males will judge a woman based on her breast size, which is hardly any more noble than judging a man on his income.
But of course, I'm not really the kind of person to put too much stock in a survey of 400 people. Such things are always a bit flawed; after all politicians were the least sexy (14%), yet Bill Clinton was a politician and he has had more sex than anyone outside the porn industry, so surely that proves the survey is bollocks?
In a way, though, its actually a bit comforting. I always thought my lack of success on the dating front was due to me being an ugly, arrogant prick with no discernable personality and a chronic body odour problem. But now I know its just because I chose an unsexy career! It's all clear now. Where do I sign up to be a fireman?
(PS. If you clicked on the link you will have noticed that I am getting my information from a site called girl.com.au. Don't think too much about why I am looking at such sites.)